So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
