Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize
