I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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