i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
