I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
