It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
