At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
