I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
