I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
