I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
