Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
