You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
