I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
