is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
