I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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