her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
