our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
