is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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