Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
