Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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