left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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