He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
