Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
