He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
