We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
