In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
