You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
