I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
