i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
