"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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