No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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