Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
