did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
