She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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