did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Drake has all the answers
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
