what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Operation Purity has been aborted
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
