I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
