Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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