Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
