Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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