hotel room ftw
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
