First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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