There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
