just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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