Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
