just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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