may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
