Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
