Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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