So drunk its hurt
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
