Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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