what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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