I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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