i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
