she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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